Monday, 11 March 2013

Success and my Anxiety!!!

Dear all
I am currently experiencing some anxiety and it is puzzling me as to why... Yes I can often experience bouts of generalized anxiety that comes about for no apparent reason.

But this appears different in that I have some idea of the reason for the anxiety.  I have recently been experience success in some of the goals that I am setting for myself.  These include items around my cycling.  For example I went for a 48klm ride yesterday on the Mtn bike through some areas that have quite a lot of hills and if I do say so myself I did pretty well.  As stated the ride had some significant climbs in it and I am not built for climbing.  However on the ride I did well, I have riden these trails before and generally find myself walking up these hills but yesterday I believe that I rode up more of the hills than I had in the past.  So I guess I am stating that I achieved a personal best!  At the time I was able to praise myself and I also received praise from those who I rode with which I was able to appreciate and showed appropriate gratitude for.

And again today I recieved further compliments from a close mate of mine about my successes that I am having on the bike but also successes at a range of other achievements that I have completed in recent times.

However as I stated above I am anxious!  I see the Anxiety may well stem from the praise that I gained.  I have over time become better at accepting praise from others!  For as a younger person I had some significant challenges accepting compliments or any words of a positive nature from others.  I would brush these aside with platitudes that did not really mean anything to me just so as to allow the person to move onto the next thing.

As stated I have become better at receiving praise and all things positive but as we all do I guess there are points along the journey of life where we fall back to things that are not of our ideal!

I suppose the point of me writing this post is to allow some acknowledgement of the need to create room for positivity within.  As well as describe and share my experience so others who may feel the same can recognise that they are not alone.  To recognise that feelings are shared throughout the world. Our role is to experience them in the MOMENT feel them and move on to the next MOMENT without Judgement.  At this is the message that I am gaining from my experience of Mindfullness as described by Jon Kabat Zinn.

I say this using Jon Kabat Zinn's definition of Mindfullness defined as:

MOMENT to MOMENT non Judgementental Awareness.   Cultivated by paying attention.
Showed further in this You Tube clip.

Also I like to use quotes or the words of others to assist myself in my experience of my own journey.  To assist to give me the moment to take pause and refelct on the words of others.

One of my favourite quotes is written below.  I first was exposed to this quote in the movie Coach Carter but I believe that it needs to be attributed to Nelson Mandela.
  "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So I go fourth acknowledging my accomplishments recognising and accepting praise and working towards living large with the hope that YOU may read my journey and experience and Look to liberate yourself from your fear.

Funnily enough after having written things down and giving the feelings to "THE INTERNET"  I am already feeling less anxious and more in the moment.

Thank you for sharing my DOING...............I am NOW off to do some BEING now!

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