Thursday, 21 March 2013

KEYS TO RELATIONSHIPS- Talking and Listening- Day to DAY.

Dear all
Today I am writing of my experience from just a few days ago.  It was not earth shatteringly brilliant just a day where I took the time to listen to the collection of MOMENTS that came together to spin a story that made sense to me and as it made sense to me I suppose there are some out there that I am sure it may also make sense to you...

 I recently watched the Movie 1000 Words with Eddie Murphy in it.

It was a great movie actually. the preview can be seen below.

Which actually started to get thinking me thinking about Mindfullness which for regular readers of this blog would know is something that I am working on getting at.

As I stated this was just an ordinary day with ordinary things occurring. Such as the show that was on the TV after I finished watching the DVD was the Loop which is a TV show on Channel 11 Free to air in Australia.  Which had a music video show on. and the song that was playing at the time was a song by EXAMPLE-   Called Perfect replacement.

Followed by the song by NEON TREES- Called Everybody talks

Now the above clips are placed there to set the scene for my experience.  On this morning it just appeared that a range of media were "speaking" to me sending me "messages"... Now I can sort of assume some of the thoughts that you may be having already that this guy is CRAZY... And some may well say that you are right.  But I mean more than that the circumstances came together in a way as to portray a string of shows that deliver a message which can be interpreted a range of ways.

But I digress.

The fiorst thought that I had when hearing the song by EXAMPLE was that I did not like it particularly as it would appear to be obviously a song for younger people or those who love Techno.
I posed myself the question of if this song is for Young People are they good listeners???  I suppose I thought about this as the song from my perspective is a song that just begs you to move to it.  And the movement I would also suggest is quite an aggressive movement or at least a fast paced movement with a SOLID beat.  One that you can can get quite caught up within.

I guess I just found myself being a BIT of an OLD MAN (although I would like think of myself as OLDER rather than OLD).  Sort of passing judgement on the music of "young People"  Which has been happening since to the dawn of time...  Eg The beatles were going to be the spawn of the Devil in the eyes of the older generation of the time.

BUT this is passing Judgement and I realised I was going against the definition of Mindfulness which from previous editions of this BLOG was defined as: Moment to Moment Non Judgemental awareness.
So I was being Judgemental... Which prompted me to take greater care in the art of LISTENING.

Which if we return to the beginning of the experience of my day I was watching a show about a guy who spoke TRASH all day and was forced to SHUT UP and NOT SPEAK.  Which was followed shortly after about a song that states as its lyrics that EVERYBODY TALKS TO MUCH.

It could well be suggested that large chunks of the Community are not particularly good at undertaking the ART or SKILL of listening.  I suggest that LISTENING certainly is a Skill and a skill that not enough people actually are very good at.

In regard to this skill I acknowledge that I certainly can be better at doing this however I would suggest that I am better than average.  This skill was honed through many of employment opportunities where I was working with troubled young people and if you were not good at listening and observing the evolving dynamics of groups or individuals then you quickly could find yourself yourself in a range of strife with some angry young people in your face.  NOt that this also did not happen when you were careful,  as there were just sometimes where the young people I was working with just become ANGRY because they were angry at the world.....

I mentioned earlier about me becoming OLDER and as I have previously undertaken significant employment experiences with young people who often were experiences some sort of troubled life. I reflect on these experiences and what I expect these same young people to look back on those times as they age.  I realise  that I am getting older and those around are also ageing with me I am hearing the same people reflect on "a time in their life that was simpler".  I myself see this as correlated with there being a perception that there is greater amounts of NOISE in life at the moment.  It is the simpler life that is perceived to be less busy and less noisy...
I guess I am sharing my experiences to encourage others to follow me NOT in my journey but in the capacity to reflect on a life lived with the view of taking this information forward into their future with a greater sense of purpose.  I say this as I am able to state that the times where I have experienced greater capacity to listen, Listen to myself, listen to others and generally just listen the myriad of sounds that are available within the natural environment have left me with a great sense of peace.

This can be demonstrated most recently when I went for a Mtn Bike ride into the National Park that is just close by my house here.  I went on this day by myself, and took a few minutes out to just take a rest and I was struck with great sense of the power of SILENCE.  It was not complete silence as there were subtle sounds of the animals trees and birds that were close by but there was a certainly a sense of QUIET.  This Quiet actually brought about a great sense of peace within myself.

I have refelected further on the Skill of Listening and appropriate TALKing.  I was previously employed as a Community Mediator with the Community Justice Centre.   As a Community Justice Mediator we employed Alternative Dispute Resolution activities for mediating parties who were in conflict.  More information can be found here

But I bring this up with the understanding that that while I was working within this area as a general rule if I was to assess the difference between parties that walked away from the mediation with a sense of resolution and a greater feeling of amicable relationships going into the future is whether I see that each party has had the ability to be HEARD by the other.  As a mediator we facilatate a communication about issues between those parties who were sitting in front of us at the time.  It was amazing to see the willingness to cooperate once each had gained a sense of being heard and were more willing to LISTEN to each other.

It was a process that we were asked to do after the Mediation had finsihed was to rate our belief of the liklyhood that these parties would effectively move to CONCILIATION.  And as stated it was those parties that we felt were heard and felt listened to over and over again that we significantly rated higher as being more likely to move to a healthier relationship in the future.

Today's Edition of the Blog seems to be a longer one.

As the experience of the day moved on further into the afternoon and it was again driven by the themes that were presented within the TV shows that were on that day.

It surprised me that the very next show that appeared on the Box was "HAPPY DAYS" the once famous show containing the Fonz.  As mr Cool who got all the girls and was Tough and able to beat everybody up.  Although I rarely if ever actually seen him get into a fight.

But this particular episode also contained another 80"s Icon from another show that was blended together.  This show Being MORK from ORC or Mork and Mindy.  Where Robin Williams played a Alien who had come to earth to learn of the those Earthlings and the ways of there world.

As stated this episode of Happy Days Mork returns to see Richy Cunningham (played by Ron Howard) where he is currently living in the future from the episode of Happy Days.  1950's and Mork is living in the 1970's but he is struggling and returns to understand from a time where "Life is Simplier"

Shorts seen below:

As I see it though if I was put together all the MOMENTS that I experienced that morning together.  It could well be interpreted to suggest that the Simplier life is actually right there in front of us...  BUT we need to be willing to STOP and LISTEN.

From a separate perspective I have heard that whatever situation we find oursleves in throughout life "can" be seen as irrelavant!  But it is how we repond to that situation that makes all the difference to the outcome.
I suppose this entire post was written as I was caught by the apparent Synchronicity of a range of MOMENTS and as I tend to do now I decided to write these down and place them where all other knowledge or information can ivariably be found these days,- THE INTERNET....

One last item I suppose I wish to let you know about.  It was funny as I was having these thoughts prompted by the DVD and TV and MUSIC about a simplier life.  I was actually attending a 80's party that night (which I had a great time at BTW) the 80's is a time that is likely seen as "simplier" time by those of my Generation "X ".
I also suppose that it was an interesting experience for me because when I was thinking of who or what I would go to the 80's party as I really wanted to go as MORK from ORC.  So I could be a little weird and walk up to others saying Nanu Nanu with a special handshake much like that of the Vulcan from Star Trek.
I wanted to go to the party as Mork I guess because as a visitor to our world he really needed to LISTEN, OBSERVE and INTERACT to fully appreciate the qualities that make up our  World, and most importantly Our Relationships.

And I suppose that if I put this post into the context of my overall BLOG it is the MOMENTS and QUALITY of our relationships that really make the difference between Happiness and Unhappiness.
Also at least for me it the relationships that I have with people that really create any meaningful purpose within the MOMENTS of my life.

Well that is me done again and I will catch you again

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