Tough, Tougher and Toughest.

Although this newly published I have written a few drafts of this post so far.

I was taken recently by the interaction observed on the TV from +The Biggest Loser Australia especially from +Michelle Bridges where she confronted one of the contestants stating that he was on the cross roads between #PussySt and #ManUpRd

I see that this statement is really asking the contestant about how Tough they are... Are they willing to push through the Tough stuff of exercise as a FAT PERSON to get to a position where they have built a greater capacity for themselves to break through physical and emotional barriers that have stopped them or held them back from success in the past.

Let us define #PussySt as the place where we are quitters, and at our worst where we listen to the overwhelming doubt and judgement of ourselves as incapable and unworthy for the want of better words AND define #ManUpRd as the place where we display GRIT, and grind to undertake a challenge that is understood to be difficult but we go out of our way to give it a CRACK.

Essentially where we as individuals or groups are placed in situations where we are tested to determine our TOUGHNESS.

BUT Toughness as I see it is a loaded statement.  For there are times where the Toughest of us are brought down into a screaming heap in situations where we would normally Thrive.  Toughness is and can be situational or dependent simply on the day that we are faced with the challenge.

Toughness or Resilience is something that must be developed though training.  If we look at +Michelle Bridges she did not get to her position by sitting down and eating an entire tub of Icecream.  She trained!!!!


I am often writing here about the challengers of our minds and we can utilise such tools as Positive Psychology, Mindfullness, as well as a range of other topics scattered throughout this blog to develop greater Mental Strength and the capacity to Thrive and have wellbeing.

I originally started writing this post prompted byn a article by Dr Vivian Diller PhD. Called the "'Un-Whining' in 5 Steps: Making Complaints Work For You!"

The article states that the Author has created a 5 step program where she utilises the strategies of Cognative Behavioural Therapy or CBT (which is used highly in people who have Mental Illness particularly Depression and Anxiety).

The steps she uses are set out below in relation to how to use them to unwhine:
 

1. Identify the discomfort when you feel a complaint coming on. "Something is bothering me and deserves my attention."
2. Consider an alternative proactive behavior instead of lamenting out loud.
   "Is there anything I can do that will alleviate my discomfort?"
3. Tolerate the discomfort temporarily if no action can be taken right away.
   "Can I hang in there until I figure out a solution?"
4. Shift expectations of yourself and others to lower the bar.
   "If I make some internal adjustments, perhaps my discomfort will be more tolerable."
5. Think long-term change to avoid future complaints.
   "Perhaps I can alter my situation so that the discomfort is less likely to occur in the future."

In essence I agree with her article and believe that the steps can be useful.

But I guess my original thoughts were drawn to step 4 that discusses lowering the bar and to make the internal adjustments to ourselves to make things more tolerable.  I consider this based the topic and the title of the post about toughness.  The statement about  "lowering" the bar I suggest that there is a place for a lowering of the bar or a changing of the goal posts?   However I see this as a point that needs to be considered only after there has been a time where we undertake challenge...I may be delusional but challenge and conflict are seen by me as inherent elements of the human condition.

So if this is the case I suggest there is a place for raising the bar and working to come to a level of acceptance that there are times that we just need to "suck it up". In reviewing the article by Dr Vivian this step is undertaken within Step 3.  Where we tolerate the discomfort temporarily .

If we return to this topic from a perspective of exercise such as shown in +The Biggest Loser Australia we are actually putting the body under stress when we exercise which it then adapts to and get stronger and to compensate for the repeated level of stress that it is placed under. 

In getting to why I am writing about this at all, it is because, I have been questioning my own Toughness in the last week.  I was having significant issues with motivation, and a willingness to exercise that does play a large part in my life and wellbeing.  I was in effect beating myself up and putting extra stress on myself because I was struggling.

I suppose you could say I was doing it TOUGH.

I am a person who is Competetive! I may have mentioned earlier that I undertook a strengths profile and Competition was identified as an inherent personal strength of mine.  But the key thing that was recently brought to my attention is that we can overuse our strengths.  I use Competition a lot to motivate myself for myself and to motivate myself to do things for others.  But I have through the exploration of the best way to write this post (over the last week or two) realised that I have been overuinge this particular strategy to get me out exercising.  Using the statement of "Just Fucking Do IT" (JFDI) to much.  

I have from the overuse of this stratgey been experiencing burn out and this has affected my wellbeing with some rumination over why I cant JFDI.   One of the key elements that has allowed me to turn the corner is my friends, and family.  I was able to discuss these issues with them and the joy for me was that they listened WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.  This was a large part of the what I took out the article that it is Judgement that is often so detrimental to what it is that we wish to achieve.  This judgement can and often does actually come from within and having the capacity to be and feel heard has always been a great change agent for me! 

I am at the point where I am finishing this post feeling much better and have been out doing exercise and feeling better.  So in essence I have been successful in following the steps suggested in Dr Vivian article.  If I reflect on the manner in which I use this blog it is at present my whining board.  I write my experiences here and hopefully demonstrate that I am able to work through them.

I am Tougher today than I was last week.  I am likely NOT the Toughest that I have been or will be in the future BUT I am Tougher than I have been and persistant to do the work required to make it through this "GAME OF LIFE".

I encourage and suggest  anyone who reads this to seek resources that build strength within YOU to create TOUGHNESS but recognise as in sport the capacity to undertake good REST and RECOVERY is just as important as the ability to STRESS and STRAIN.

All going well you to can head down #ManUpRd! 

KEYS TO RELATIONSHIPS- Talking and Listening- Day to DAY.

Dear all
Today I am writing of my experience from just a few days ago.  It was not earth shatteringly brilliant just a day where I took the time to listen to the collection of MOMENTS that came together to spin a story that made sense to me and as it made sense to me I suppose there are some out there that I am sure it may also make sense to you...

 I recently watched the Movie 1000 Words with Eddie Murphy in it.

It was a great movie actually. the preview can be seen below.



Which actually started to get thinking me thinking about Mindfullness which for regular readers of this blog would know is something that I am working on getting at.

As I stated this was just an ordinary day with ordinary things occurring. Such as the show that was on the TV after I finished watching the DVD was the Loop which is a TV show on Channel 11 Free to air in Australia.  Which had a music video show on. and the song that was playing at the time was a song by EXAMPLE-   Called Perfect replacement.



Followed by the song by NEON TREES- Called Everybody talks


Now the above clips are placed there to set the scene for my experience.  On this morning it just appeared that a range of media were "speaking" to me sending me "messages"... Now I can sort of assume some of the thoughts that you may be having already that this guy is CRAZY... And some may well say that you are right.  But I mean more than that the circumstances came together in a way as to portray a string of shows that deliver a message which can be interpreted a range of ways.

But I digress.

The fiorst thought that I had when hearing the song by EXAMPLE was that I did not like it particularly as it would appear to be obviously a song for younger people or those who love Techno.
I posed myself the question of if this song is for Young People are they good listeners???  I suppose I thought about this as the song from my perspective is a song that just begs you to move to it.  And the movement I would also suggest is quite an aggressive movement or at least a fast paced movement with a SOLID beat.  One that you can can get quite caught up within.

I guess I just found myself being a BIT of an OLD MAN (although I would like think of myself as OLDER rather than OLD).  Sort of passing judgement on the music of "young People"  Which has been happening since to the dawn of time...  Eg The beatles were going to be the spawn of the Devil in the eyes of the older generation of the time.

BUT this is passing Judgement and I realised I was going against the definition of Mindfulness which from previous editions of this BLOG was defined as: Moment to Moment Non Judgemental awareness.
So I was being Judgemental... Which prompted me to take greater care in the art of LISTENING.

Which if we return to the beginning of the experience of my day I was watching a show about a guy who spoke TRASH all day and was forced to SHUT UP and NOT SPEAK.  Which was followed shortly after about a song that states as its lyrics that EVERYBODY TALKS TO MUCH.

It could well be suggested that large chunks of the Community are not particularly good at undertaking the ART or SKILL of listening.  I suggest that LISTENING certainly is a Skill and a skill that not enough people actually are very good at.

In regard to this skill I acknowledge that I certainly can be better at doing this however I would suggest that I am better than average.  This skill was honed through many of employment opportunities where I was working with troubled young people and if you were not good at listening and observing the evolving dynamics of groups or individuals then you quickly could find yourself yourself in a range of strife with some angry young people in your face.  NOt that this also did not happen when you were careful,  as there were just sometimes where the young people I was working with just become ANGRY because they were angry at the world.....

I mentioned earlier about me becoming OLDER and as I have previously undertaken significant employment experiences with young people who often were experiences some sort of troubled life. I reflect on these experiences and what I expect these same young people to look back on those times as they age.  I realise  that I am getting older and those around are also ageing with me I am hearing the same people reflect on "a time in their life that was simpler".  I myself see this as correlated with there being a perception that there is greater amounts of NOISE in life at the moment.  It is the simpler life that is perceived to be less busy and less noisy...
I guess I am sharing my experiences to encourage others to follow me NOT in my journey but in the capacity to reflect on a life lived with the view of taking this information forward into their future with a greater sense of purpose.  I say this as I am able to state that the times where I have experienced greater capacity to listen, Listen to myself, listen to others and generally just listen the myriad of sounds that are available within the natural environment have left me with a great sense of peace.

This can be demonstrated most recently when I went for a Mtn Bike ride into the National Park that is just close by my house here.  I went on this day by myself, and took a few minutes out to just take a rest and I was struck with great sense of the power of SILENCE.  It was not complete silence as there were subtle sounds of the animals trees and birds that were close by but there was a certainly a sense of QUIET.  This Quiet actually brought about a great sense of peace within myself.

I have refelected further on the Skill of Listening and appropriate TALKing.  I was previously employed as a Community Mediator with the Community Justice Centre.   As a Community Justice Mediator we employed Alternative Dispute Resolution activities for mediating parties who were in conflict.  More information can be found here

But I bring this up with the understanding that that while I was working within this area as a general rule if I was to assess the difference between parties that walked away from the mediation with a sense of resolution and a greater feeling of amicable relationships going into the future is whether I see that each party has had the ability to be HEARD by the other.  As a mediator we facilatate a communication about issues between those parties who were sitting in front of us at the time.  It was amazing to see the willingness to cooperate once each had gained a sense of being heard and were more willing to LISTEN to each other.

It was a process that we were asked to do after the Mediation had finsihed was to rate our belief of the liklyhood that these parties would effectively move to CONCILIATION.  And as stated it was those parties that we felt were heard and felt listened to over and over again that we significantly rated higher as being more likely to move to a healthier relationship in the future.

Today's Edition of the Blog seems to be a longer one.

As the experience of the day moved on further into the afternoon and it was again driven by the themes that were presented within the TV shows that were on that day.

It surprised me that the very next show that appeared on the Box was "HAPPY DAYS" the once famous show containing the Fonz.  As mr Cool who got all the girls and was Tough and able to beat everybody up.  Although I rarely if ever actually seen him get into a fight.

But this particular episode also contained another 80"s Icon from another show that was blended together.  This show Being MORK from ORC or Mork and Mindy.  Where Robin Williams played a Alien who had come to earth to learn of the those Earthlings and the ways of there world.

As stated this episode of Happy Days Mork returns to see Richy Cunningham (played by Ron Howard) where he is currently living in the future from the episode of Happy Days.  1950's and Mork is living in the 1970's but he is struggling and returns to understand from a time where "Life is Simplier"

Shorts seen below:

As I see it though if I was put together all the MOMENTS that I experienced that morning together.  It could well be interpreted to suggest that the Simplier life is actually right there in front of us...  BUT we need to be willing to STOP and LISTEN.

From a separate perspective I have heard that whatever situation we find oursleves in throughout life "can" be seen as irrelavant!  But it is how we repond to that situation that makes all the difference to the outcome.
I suppose this entire post was written as I was caught by the apparent Synchronicity of a range of MOMENTS and as I tend to do now I decided to write these down and place them where all other knowledge or information can ivariably be found these days,- THE INTERNET....

One last item I suppose I wish to let you know about.  It was funny as I was having these thoughts prompted by the DVD and TV and MUSIC about a simplier life.  I was actually attending a 80's party that night (which I had a great time at BTW) the 80's is a time that is likely seen as "simplier" time by those of my Generation "X ".
I also suppose that it was an interesting experience for me because when I was thinking of who or what I would go to the 80's party as I really wanted to go as MORK from ORC.  So I could be a little weird and walk up to others saying Nanu Nanu with a special handshake much like that of the Vulcan from Star Trek.
 
I wanted to go to the party as Mork I guess because as a visitor to our world he really needed to LISTEN, OBSERVE and INTERACT to fully appreciate the qualities that make up our  World, and most importantly Our Relationships.

And I suppose that if I put this post into the context of my overall BLOG it is the MOMENTS and QUALITY of our relationships that really make the difference between Happiness and Unhappiness.
Also at least for me it the relationships that I have with people that really create any meaningful purpose within the MOMENTS of my life.

Well that is me done again and I will catch you again

Success and my Anxiety!!!

Dear all
I am currently experiencing some anxiety and it is puzzling me as to why... Yes I can often experience bouts of generalized anxiety that comes about for no apparent reason.

But this appears different in that I have some idea of the reason for the anxiety.  I have recently been experience success in some of the goals that I am setting for myself.  These include items around my cycling.  For example I went for a 48klm ride yesterday on the Mtn bike through some areas that have quite a lot of hills and if I do say so myself I did pretty well.  As stated the ride had some significant climbs in it and I am not built for climbing.  However on the ride I did well, I have riden these trails before and generally find myself walking up these hills but yesterday I believe that I rode up more of the hills than I had in the past.  So I guess I am stating that I achieved a personal best!  At the time I was able to praise myself and I also received praise from those who I rode with which I was able to appreciate and showed appropriate gratitude for.

And again today I recieved further compliments from a close mate of mine about my successes that I am having on the bike but also successes at a range of other achievements that I have completed in recent times.

However as I stated above I am anxious!  I see the Anxiety may well stem from the praise that I gained.  I have over time become better at accepting praise from others!  For as a younger person I had some significant challenges accepting compliments or any words of a positive nature from others.  I would brush these aside with platitudes that did not really mean anything to me just so as to allow the person to move onto the next thing.

As stated I have become better at receiving praise and all things positive but as we all do I guess there are points along the journey of life where we fall back to things that are not of our ideal!

I suppose the point of me writing this post is to allow some acknowledgement of the need to create room for positivity within.  As well as describe and share my experience so others who may feel the same can recognise that they are not alone.  To recognise that feelings are shared throughout the world. Our role is to experience them in the MOMENT feel them and move on to the next MOMENT without Judgement.  At this is the message that I am gaining from my experience of Mindfullness as described by Jon Kabat Zinn.

I say this using Jon Kabat Zinn's definition of Mindfullness defined as:

MOMENT to MOMENT non Judgementental Awareness.   Cultivated by paying attention.

Showed further in this You Tube clip.


Also I like to use quotes or the words of others to assist myself in my experience of my own journey.  To assist to give me the moment to take pause and refelct on the words of others.

One of my favourite quotes is written below.  I first was exposed to this quote in the movie Coach Carter but I believe that it needs to be attributed to Nelson Mandela.

  "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So I go fourth acknowledging my accomplishments recognising and accepting praise and working towards living large with the hope that YOU may read my journey and experience and Look to liberate yourself from your fear.

Funnily enough after having written things down and giving the feelings to "THE INTERNET"  I am already feeling less anxious and more in the moment.

Thank you for sharing my DOING...............I am NOW off to do some BEING now!

Aggression, Sport, Violence, and Competition

Hiya all...

Today I am writing of my interest in Sport.  I play a variety of sports particularly Cricket, Cycling, and more recently Touch Football.

I am writing today to basically state that I am Human and have failings...  I appreciate that we all have failings and in the event that YOU do not acknowledge them then at least from my perspective you have FAILED.

But that is getting off track a bit.  This post today is about Aggression, Sport, Violence and Competition.

I suppose that I wish to write particularly about the role that aggression plays in sport and competition and to pose the question of where is and where does the line get drawn???

What prompted this thought was a game of touch footy that I played where aggression became part of the game and it spirralled out of control.  Now I need to be clear here and state that this did not end badly ie. people getting into fist fights... but there was a level of pushing and verbals.

It started for me at least with a guy "touching" me with a harder than needed slap across the back, which in the context of the touch was definitely deliberate, and further sprouted his mouth off about how I was a "pussy".

I need to add that the comment above does not relate to the nice warm fuzzies that you get from Cats such as described by the image below... (for those fans of The Big Bang Theory)...

Now ideally I would have been best to leave this comment alone and play the game but I guess this day I had had just a little bit more aggression in the system than was required.  For I stated to the offending player that if he was going to do and such say such things then he would be well to come and say it a little closer to where I was standing!!! So as we may be able to discuss the issue further.

I did not take a step towards him!  However did ask him to bring it over if he wished to make something of it.  As it does.... this created a bit of a stir between the players, but it was moved on and the game progressed.  There continued to be "banter" throughout the game with a continuation of touches from both sides that sort of progressively got more beyond the bounds of the realm of fair play.  There was one occasion though where I did the same and instead of making a touch I pushed the person and they went over.  (I have since found out that there were players on both sides who were much more physical with their touches than was appropriate.)  This created a stir again I was quickly surrounded by players from both on the field and funnily enough I also found myself surrounded by people who had approached from the side line (both players from the opposing side and spectators who were there from the opposition).  Unfortunately this event ended the game as the Referee called the game off after this.... due to overt aggression from both sides!

I am obviously not going into a great deal of detail into the game detail.  The event has since been sorted with players and managers from both teams getting a repremand from the governing body.  Particularly those who enetered the playing field from the sideline and spectators.

But the event got me thinking.  Because although I went beyond the norm I admit and I sure that many of us do love sport as an outlet for aggression.  The games that we play give us the capacity to release the tension that may get built up over time from a variety of sources such as work, relationships, and a variety of other stressors that we all bring to the table.

Some of the biggest paying and viewed sports have as inherent element of their game play as Outright violence.  Or violent acts.  Such as tackling and general body collisions within Rugby League, or NFL (for those within the states, who seem to be the some of the biggest readers of this BLOG) as well as on occasions Football (soccer) as well as Cricket.  All have aggression and the use of aggression as the core and inherent strategies.

 Now at this point I could take a wide and varied journey exploring the many facets of this from discussing such topics as Crowd violence, outright violence to a myriad of others such topics.

BUT I am looking to to view the use of aggression from my personal perspective exploring my own use of aggression as well the use of aggression from others such as those involved in elite sports who are often idealized and celebrated for their sporting achievements.

I use aggression to motivate myself in that I can make statements such as "JUST FUCKING DO IT" #JFDI (a recent saying I have heard that @MishBridges uses although I believe she uses Friggin instead of the word I have used.) when I feel unmotiavted to get out there and exercise...This for me creates a level of personal shame and guilt that I can impose on myself to make me more accountable. I can also use use aggression in the sports that I play such as Cycling, Cricket and as described above Touch footy.  I have been guilty as described above to use aggression towards others.  However I see that the majority of the time I and others who I play against would consider that I play hard but fair.  I would suggest that this same idea of playing hard but fair also relates to the behaviour towards myself in that I generally am happiest playing sport when I am driving myself hard to achieve my best while at the same time allowing myself some fairness.  Fairness to achieve a balance between competition, enjoyment and battling my own self and the opposition who I play against.

BTW thought that I would add this special app (ABOVE) from Strava just to give ppl an idea of how little or how much I am cycling/ or exercising.  Thought that this would tie in well with the post about "The Weight of it all!!!" where I discuss my getting healthy and loosing weight.  I am BTW down to 114.5 which is not that much lost but I can see a change in overall body shape so and I as long as I am riding I am coming down.  So I am happy.
 
BUT getting back to the topic. I have for those who have read a number of my posts an active particapant in the ongoing understanding of Positive Psychology.  I have recently undertaken a Realise2 strengths assessment which states that one of my Realised Strengths is that I am Competitive!  This may actually account a lot for my behaviour described above as I do not like getting bested particularly when the opposition does not maintain a level of fairness. However having recently seen a career coach who supported this assessment he discussed the concerns of over utilizing your strengths.  For example as stated I am competitive and I welcome opportunities to compete against others as it brings out the best within me.... BUT as he suggested if I over use this strength it can create difficulties for me and others in that NOT everybody loves competition!  So I or this strength could become annoying to others...  as well as the possibility of creating situations where some can undertake activities that are unethical or inappropriate simply because they wish to WIN at every competition.  Which is where I guess allows for the exploration of the topic of where is the line in the sand that we all must draw in what we are prepared to undertake for the purposes of WINNING a competition.    

It may be useful at this time to discuss the use of aggression of others.  As I have stated previously I love cricket and as such I watch it on the TV and notice the International players have a bit to say to their opposition.  Although you are unable to hear what is said through the mikes it is evident that they are not letting the opposition know how well they are playing or what such a great time they had on their boat on the weekend or other such niceties... In the cricketing world it is called "Sledging".

The night of game of touch described above I went home wondering about the use of aggression in sport and whether it is correct!  In thinking of this question I wondered of the difference in the use of aggression between the genders to determine if this use of aggression was a behaviour driven by the obvious differences in Testosterone within males and females.  NOW I know it is nieve to suggest that females are not violent or aggressive but is there a major difference?

Being the social media fan that I am and the the fact that we (the populace) can now gain "access" to celebrities of all persuasions from elite sports people to movie celebs and the like I went to twitter to ask the question of what happens in the International Cricketing arena.  And surprisingly I gained a response.  Only one though and the response was from Elyse Villani a Current Player within the Southern Stars.   

@rachaelhaynes @sthalekar93 @elysevillani @ahealy77 curiousif the same sort of trash talk goes on out in the centre with @_southernstars
— Shane Smith (@ShaneSmith99961) February 20, 2013

@sthalekar93 @elysevillani @ahealy77 @_southernstars ask because I no can b used 4psychological tool to get an edge #isitusedmorebymen
— Shane Smith (@ShaneSmith99961) February 20, 2013

After a few days with no response it appeared that #sledging is or was not a topic that people like to talk about so I sent this tweet. and gained a responce and a conversation as seen below...

@shanesmith99961 @sthalekar93 @ahealy77 @_southernstars there is no sledging.
— Elyse Villani (@ElyseVillani) February 22, 2013

@shanesmith99961 @sthalekar93 @ahealy77 @_southernstars not sure. I only play female international cricket.
— Elyse Villani (@ElyseVillani) February 22, 2013

@elysevillani @sthalekar93 @ahealy77 @_southernstars thanks and welcome ur response. U answered my original question and insight into my exp
— Shane Smith (@ShaneSmith99961) February 22, 2013

However as you can see below the small sample of players from the male ranks were not at all willing to respond...  I did send the same tweet to a few others including ABC Grandstand and some other current and ex players with no response so "IF" (as we all know it is used) is not a topic that is open for open discussion at least not with me!

@mstarc56 @mclarke23 @ycccdizzy @warne888 would u call the chats that r obviously going on and r seen on TV out in the middle #sledging?
— Shane Smith (@ShaneSmith99961) February 22, 2013

However as I have had some difficulty forming what I wanted to express within this post it has actually taken me a few weeks to write....  And today I hear on the news that the discussion of what is or not appropriate in regard to what a person or group of persons will do to WIN comes under question again in relation to the topic of #drugsinsport!  As I write this post there appears to be a developing story over the Cronulla Sharks and players who have used performance enhancing substances.

This follows the recent released report from Asada into Organised Crime and #Drugsinsport as seen by the tweet below....

ASADA's statement on the Australian Crime Commision report into Organised Crime and Drugs in Sport: asada.gov.au/media/organise…
— ASADA Anti-Doping (@anti_doping) February 7, 2013

It appears that within the human condition there exists a state that people will do just about anything to gain the edge to WIN and WIN at all costs. As stated above we all have failings but the first step to overcoming them is to first acknowledge there existence to ourselves and question!
When I am troubled I often seek the words of others to assist and guide to help determine where I stand.

Now I am aware that cheating which #drugsinsport is easy for some to determine right from wrong.  But in the context of life we are all challnged to determine what is right for us.  So below is but a small selection of quotes to give some balance to the issue....

• People have a moral standard about what they will do and will not do. At the end of the day someone who cheats has a lower moral standard than someone who does not. And they will cheat in other areas of life as well.

Carl Lewis

• We are more likely to cheat if we see others doing so. We tend to conform to accepted norms of reasonable behaviour, rather than adhere to strict rules.

Evan Davis

• All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.

Scott Alexander

And if I was to say what I would have as an IDEAL it would be this last quote!  Which will also finalise the last words of this particular post!!!!

• It's important that athletes can compete on a level playing field. And youngsters coming into the sport can know that if they are working hard and training hard, they'll see a true reflection of where they stand and what they can achieve worldwide and not be swayed by people who are cheating.

Paula Radcliffe

Mindful Love

Today I am going to write a post however the post is not actually mine.  It has been lifted word for word from the most recent Positive Psychology News Daily (PPND) edition.  Which can be found here.

The article talks of Valentine's day and although this past by just a few days ago I have only just gotten around to reading the article and it certainly resonated with me.

I suppose that although technically I am probably plagiarizing I am including the original text here to also illustrate how this idea of Mindful love can be implemented on a larger scale for the purpose of encouraging us all to Love Mindfully.

I have written here  in the post "Healing a vital Component" about the concept of Lateral Violence within the "The First peoples of THE NATIONS OF AUSTRALIA" and of the movement started to combat this of Lateral Love.

I suggest that the following article that as I stated is from an alternate source can be used as the basis for the framework of what is required through the growing body of evidence on the positive effects and growth potential for the implementation of Principles of Mindfulness more widely.

So I guess the aim of what I am doing here in this post as is the aim I suppose of "my BLOG" more widely is to attempt to bring together a range of information from a wide range of sources and "PUT IT OUT THERE" as my thoughts.  Some may be able to see these thoughts as a solution, others may see them as nothing particularly relevant but none the less I have DONE and now I can sit and BE to await while others may DO from my BEING.

Just so those who read get the reference I am playing on the information that has come up in many of my explorations that the best of Life is to create a balance between the BEING and DOING.  As indicated often within the words the song by Frank Sinatra with the nonesense words of do be do be do.... within the song "Strangers in the night".

So here is a short musical interlude before the main text of the original article in question of Mindful Love.

BTW there may be something in the lyrics that links the theme of the this original post together.  Just maybe......




So without further a due...

Mindful Love

Author

Kirsten Cronlund, MAPP 2008, is committed to helping others navigate the rough waters of divorce with resiliency, drawing upon personal experience and the science of positive psychology. She is now serving as the director of Bryn Athyn Church School. Full bio.
Kirsten's articles are here.

 Pros and Cons of Valentine’s Day I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. On the one hand, having a holiday dedicated completely to the savoring of romantic relationships seems a likely way to enhance and cultivate positive emotion, express gratitude, and even feel gratitude. I’m sure there are many who have lovely romantic Valentine’s Day celebrations.
On the other hand, even the most loving relationships go through ups and downs. Dedicating a holiday to highlighting romance and passion might cause stress for some people because we all fall victim to social comparison. It’s easy to assume that everyone else is feeling close to their romantic partners and that there must be something wrong with our relationship if we are not lovey-dovey.

 I’m not a cynic. In fact, I have cultivated the practice of optimism to such a degree that some might say I’m like Pangloss in Voltaire’s Candide. So don’t take it the wrong way when I say that romance is overrated. There’s nothing wrong with you if your Valentine’s Day is not Hallmark-worthy, and there may not even be anything wrong with your relationship if you would rather spend Valentine’s Day by yourself, soaking in a tub and reading a good novel, than getting dressed up and engage in stimulating conversation with your spouse.
In her new book, Love 2.0, Barbara Fredrickson defines love in terms of positivity resonance, a state of shared positive emotion, biochemical synchrony, and a shared motive to invest in each other’s well-being. Maybe your idea of the expression of love is contained in the activities of daily life: the sharing of and active responding to good news, helping your spouse by unloading the dishwasher, picking the children up from soccer practice, or painting the kitchen together. There’s nothing wrong with this.
Be Wary of Maximizing
Barry Schwartz has written in The Paradox of Choice that we make ourselves supremely unhappy when we maximize, that is, search and search for the “perfect” object or decision. We set ourselves up for disappointment because the amount of time and energy we invest in this process makes us subconsciously expect a level of happiness with our final decision that is highly unlikely. This is true when researching for the best dishwasher, and it is also true in relationships. Barry states that we are most happy when we set for ourselves a limited set of criteria that we are looking for, and quit looking when we have satisfied those requirements. He tells us not to second guess our decisions and to avoid comparisons to others as much as possible (except for downward comparisons, which can make us feel better about our circumstances).
Barry’s advice is perhaps relatively easy to follow when buying a vacuum, but it’s not so easy to remain as satisfied with one’s spouse. Conflict is inherent in all relationships, and the negotiation of the complexities of merging two outlooks and lifestyles incites people to periodically question whether or not they have made the right choice of spouse. It’s easier said than done to set criteria for that choice and then not look back. It is possible, however, to achieve a great deal of contentment and peace with your spouse if you practice mindfulness in your relationship.

 Mindfulness in Relationships
What does this look like? In earlier articles, I stated that mindfulness is “attending nonjudgmentally to all stimuli in the internal and external environments,” and it turns out that this is arguably the greatest pathway to satisfaction in relationships. Raising awareness nonjudgmentally about your irritations over your spouse’s spending habits, awareness of your spouse’s need for more support with household chores, your perceptions of the expectation of your mother-in-law about holiday traditions, and conflicting ideas about ideal parenting practices allow you to be a dispassionate observer of your inner and outer circumstances. “There’s that irritation again,” you might say to yourself, avoiding labeling it as “bad.” Labeling it bad is a practice which activates the sympathetic nervous system to prepare for fight or flight.
Instead, as the observer, you are in a position to practice the most effective optimistic practice, which is to scan the available options, determine the action that is most likely to yield positive results, and then take action. This mindful approach activates instead the parasympathetic nervous system, or the calming response. Wayne Jencke has written about activating the parasympathetic nervous system, as have Thayer and Lane. It also leads to more shared positive moments.
What is the goal of this nonjudgmental scanning? The goal is not to erase the irritation, but to work with it to continue moving forward. Your irritation with your spouse is like the boulder in the path of a stream. Beating yourself against the boulder, either through angry expletives or efforts to “make” him or her do what you want, will not yield positive results. Instead, you’ll both continue to be stuck at that spot in the stream.

 It might seem that this approach would lead to passivity in the relationship, but that is not what happens. James W. Carson and colleagues at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have found that people who engage in a mindful approach accurately assess the best ways to express their emotions, and when to do so. Conflict is not avoided, but navigated more successfully. Also, a clearer assessment of behaviors and dynamics leads to a greater chance that you will take action in unhealthy situations, such as your spouse spending the grocery money at the casino. As Leon points out, the mindful approach also does not preclude the expression of joy and passion, but leads instead to unconditional love. But it does promote, most of all, contentment, a positive state that gets a bad rap in our culture. Contentment is a powerful emotion, and is associated with high levels of well-being.
In her new book, Barbara Fredrickson states, “Love springs up anytime any two or more people connect over a shared positive emotion.” Mindfulness makes space for shared positive emotions to occur.
So I’d like to propose a mindful approach to Valentine’s Day and love in general. Why not do what makes sense in your relationship? Maybe it’s a dozen roses and a night of passionate lovemaking, but maybe it’s an amiable chat or a few hours spent doing separate but meaningful activities. And, most of all, excuse yourself of any expectations of the way love is supposed to be expressed.

 References:
Carson, J.W., Carson, K.M., Gil, K.M., & Baucom, D.H. (2004). Mindfulness-based relationship enhancement. Behavior Therapy, 35, 471-494.
Cronlund, K. (2009). Mindfulness Part 1: The best bang for your buck and Mindfulness Part 2: A Basis for Coaching. Positive Psychology News. Kirsten wrote an earlier version of this article that was published in 2009. However it is so appropriate for Valentine’s Day that we’re publishing it again with minor updates.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become. Hudson Street Press.
Frewen, P.A., Evans, E.M., Maraj, N., Dozois, D.J.A., & Partridge, K. (2008). Letting go: mindfulness and negative automatic thinking. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 32, 758-774.
Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Mitra, R., Franks, L., Richter, A., & Rockliff, H. (2008). Feeling safe and content: A specific affect regulation system? Relationship to depression, anxiety, stress, and self-criticism. Journal of Positive Psychology, 3(3), 182-191.
Jencke, W. has written several articles on mindfulness. Positive Psychology News.
Leon, I., Hernandez, J.A., Rodriguez, S., & Vila, J. (2009). When head is tempered by heart: heart rate variability modulates perception of other-blame reducing anger. Motivation and Emotion, 33: 1–9.
Lyke, J.A. (2009). Insight, but not self-reflection, is related to subjective well-being. Personality and Individual Differences, 46, 66-70.
Schwartz, B. (2004). The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. New York: Ecco.
Thayer, J.F. & Lane, R.D. (2009). Claude Bernard and the heart-brain connection: further elaboration of a model of neurovisceral integration. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 33, 81-88.

There is great brilliance in the darkness

Hiya EVERYONE
I have been having a bit of writers block in regard to this Blog.
This has mainly been through my exploration and discussion of the journey through mindfulness that I have been exploring.
My last post "Jon Kabat Zinn" has given a few examples his work.

In the time since my last post I have been talking, sharing and discussing topics of Mindfulness and have been happy to know that many are also on the same path towards engaging more with their real selves.

There is one person in particular who has had some issues around feeling anxiety around death.  I shared this clip below with them and they stated that this is similiar to the stuff that they are discussing with the professional who is helping them.



The clip above makes sense really.  The joy of what I find of the magic of Jon Kabat Zinn is that he speaks from a great understanding of Science, Buddism, Yoga and a range of other topics that many people do have knowledge of, or as least as much as he, BUT he has the capacity to discuss these issues with such clarity that Joe or Jill average can grasp and understand them.

The beauty of the clip above is also that through acceptance of what "IS" rather than what "could "BE" we actually have the capacity to as he advocates to just "BE"!!! BE at peace, BE in Harmony, Just BE.

In fact one of the more interesting saying that he expresses regularly is that our species known as Human Beings is NOT often actually BEING true to our name in that we are more like Human DOINGS.  As he describes that we have a fear of not DOING ANYTHING.  So for myself I am loving the exploration of just being particularly the focus on knowing and feeling the experience of the BREATH.

It is this that brought me to the writing of this post this evening.

I have had an issue with my sleep pattern where I am having difficulty getting to sleep and this was the case last night.  So I went outside in the middle of the night got out my sleeping bag and layed upon the outdoor plastic lounge just watching the stars and clouds and stuff that is out there in the night time.  It was awesome actually as there were limited lights to detract from the light coming from the sky.  While out there for a while and after my eyes had adjusted to to the dark it was amazing "How many colours there are in the dark"!  Realistically the colours are more likely shades of black white and grey but in the night sky with the clouds low and the stars so far away the effect created a great sense of depth that I had not really taken notice of before.  It was particularly interesting when comparing the shapes created by the house and the fence.and all things around me.  To give you some context the longe that I was lying on is quite close to the ground and I was next to the fence so it was great to as stated earlier create a difference in perspective and depth perception that was pleasing to the eye as well as to experience of the moment.

Now I wish I some artistic ability especially with a paint brush as the picture that was created within my mind was one that would well be worth having a crack getting down...

It creates a though based on an article I recently read about what the night sky over a number of cities would look like in the event the lights were turned off and absent of light pollution. The article here shows how French photographer Thierry Cohen goes about his work to photograph the sky and create some unbelievable images. I have posted some examples below:

" Cohen does not merely replace one sky with another for convenient photographic legibility. By travelling to places free from light pollution but situated on precisely the same latitude as his cities (and by pointing his camera at the same angle in each case), he obtains skies which, as the world rotates about its axis, are the very ones visible above the cities a few hours earlier or later. He shows, in other words, not a fantasy sky as it might be dreamt, but a real one as it should be seen."

 

 Now if I was to try and paint the my own images I would not do justice as this photographer here has done but it would be worth while seeing our world as it "IS" without the "noise" and distraction of the "world" the images above I guess are representative of the of the potential clarity and brilliance of the mind if and when we are successful in turning thought off and just allowing ourselves to be just as we are.  As is indicated in the video above by Jon Kabat- Zinn.
 

"Life, Death and Test Cricket"

Happy New Years EVERYONE. I hope that you have been able to celebrate or commiserate your successes and fails of 2012 and are as per usual at the beginning of a new year we are given the opportunity to feel a sense of renewal.

For those who know me I love cricket. I play and have coached and gained my successes along the way.

But as with anything we need our champions to model and lead so as to allow for us who are for whatever reason not able to take the next step up to that elite level we look to those who have as something to strive and aspire to achieve or simply admire the qualities that got that group and individuals together.

What inspired this post today is that I was watching the cricket Australia V Sri Lanka. #AUSvSL and I remembered part of the reason that I particularly love cricket is that for the level I play I am quite good at it.  But also It as I see it is a game that is in essence quite simple but as the Cricket Family (anyone who plays and loves cricket) knows it is also a complex game that has intrigue, strategy, power struggles, mind games and if you look into the game and its associated activities you can find stories and anacdotes to guide your experience of the wider experience of life.

It has concepts and themes that abound, or at least the topics that I really love to explore.which is all things associated with people interacting with other people.

I would like to think though that me as an individual apart from simply taking have been able to positively contribute to the games legacy.

As stated I have coached and know that many of those young people that I have coached to play cricket are still playing the game.  I am actually playing in the same team as and against at least 2 of them that I can remember at this moment.  As is the case in sport generally is the case in life as we all know but unlike life sport is generally played by a stated set of rules.  And a number of checks and balances are set in place to allow for formalized and not so formalized processes to solve disputes and grievenaces.

But as is generally the case when all is said and done you battle on the field and sometimes off but are able to share in the experience, agree and disagree with a level of respect and decency most of the time.

But I was like most within the family saddened to hear the passing of one of the icons of the game Tony Greig particularly moving was the show of solidarity at the beginning of the Sydney TEST Match where team mates, friends, family and competitors were able to show respect for the man's contribution.

RESPECT Tony and all within the family.

But in the vain of the spirit of my general BLOG content.  The game as a whole can be generally seen as a example of Inclusion in the Human services context a great example as there are numerous stories of people who have played and made it to highest level with a range of Disabilities and disadvantage.

Now as I am aware if you dig enough you can see its faults where these rules have not applied and Respect for our fellow persons has not occured but it is this sense of fairness dispite a persons background that I love the fact that if you are able to demonstrate the INHERENT requirements of the tasks then you have an equal opportunity to succes as the person you are competing against barring intervention from external forces.  In the case of Cricket these may be the pitch and field conditions.

But it is this interaction between you as an individual your team as a group and the external forces that really create the part of the game that I most enjoy.  The learning and gaining experience of the ability to lead (as I have been a Captain of teams) be lead and guided by others more experienced and testing the limits of all your skills both Mental and physical.

In fact Tony Greig played with Epliepsy, and there are others such as Michael Slater who has acknowledged that he played dispite challengers with the "Black Dog".  Now it is true that I cannot think of a cricketer that had a physical disability but due the nature of the game and the Inherent requirements to do with the bowling and batting action it is if we were to put this into a employment context not unlawful to discriminate.  Nor is it likely immoral but I will steer away from that for the moment.

Many employers can be fearful of consequences of discrimination but if you have a clear understanding of the role and the INHERENT requirements that you are needing the person to fulfil then you are all good.

I am a person who actually loves all forms of the game but as you imagine from my story so far I love test cricket.  In more recent times I have observed and admired the show of strength and courage shown by  Francois "Faf" du Plessis and Peter Siddle where they both went at each other in the the 2nd test of the 2012 test series #AUSvSA where Du Plessi bats for a total of 10+ hrs to almost single handledly assist in guide his team to a much needed draw to keep their series in their advantage.  This is a emmense mental challenge to complete this.  From the same game there were moments when Jacques Kallis batted through pain to bag him and team a much needed 50 as well as taking up as it turned out much needed time at the crease.

As you may well have appreciated by now I also like to try hopefully to use these words of mine that are generally an opportunity for me to reflect and talk with and gsuppose guide myself but also to share with others just SOME of the resources are available for People with a Disability (PWD) or to highlight issues of #Inclusion and how to help each of us help ourselves through helping others.

Afterall if you look at the latest Acronym from Positive Psychology and Seligman PERMA

Positive 
Emotions
Relationships
Meaning and 
Achievement


are available in all aspects of the game of cricket.
   

But this may need further exploration at another time for thispost has to come to an end.  I am sure that the game of Cricket, (the game that I love) will at times will present opportunities to share anacadotes that explore the range of topics that interest me.

But if I can end with one final  cheerio and join me me in Thanking "the family" for the respect and care shown for the life and contribution of one man at this time.

And may we say Cheers to Tony.